Get Your Emotion Out of the Room
I find it interesting how often a person’s expression of any socially perceived “negative” emotions, such as sadness, anger, rage, betrayal etc are met with resistance…or with advice such as “I would strongly suggest taking all of that energy and grief and throwing it into bettering yourself.” In other words, just stuff it and distract yourself with something else, like I do. When someone does express him/herself in grief or anger then people whisper things like “he’s sure not taking it well” or “wow…she’s really losing it!” They are shamed.
Here’s the thing…what people are really saying is “you’re making me feel uncomfortable.” They don’t want to feel those emotions and so they stuff them and they don’t want YOUR emotions to get in the way of that numbing out…you might make them f*cking FEEL something! So, please, leave your emotions outside the room.
Steel Magnolias – what just came up for you with those two words? Sally Field is brilliant as she draws the audience into first the sorrow and then the rage of a mother who had just buried her child. (see the link below for the clip) Did you feel her? Did she make you uncomfortable? Did you allow your emotion to move through you or did you numb out and then laugh hysterically at the moment of comic relief, feeling that was a more appropriate expression of emotion? How often have you heard useless platitudes given to the grieving like, “at least she’s out of her pain” or “She’s in a better place”, or maybe even given them yourself? Centuries ago, the grieving would throw themselves across the body or casket of the dead person and wail out their grief…this was actually a healthier expression of grief than what is expected in today’s society. When people try to move through the grieving process and skip steps by not acknowledging and expressing their emotions, they become stuck and they cannot heal.
This state of being held back by repressed emotions is true of all kinds of traumatic experiences, not just the loss of a loved one! It’s true when one has experienced abuse of any kind, physical, emotional, sexual and more. It’s true of shaming, betrayal, and ‘cheating’, and when we hold these things inside us because it’s not “appropriate” or safe to express them, we create triggers and baggage that negatively affect every aspect of our lives…our work, our self-esteem, our creativity and ability to manifest, and especially our relationships! We get caught up in the vicious, seemingly unescapable cycle of trauma and build our entire existence around avoiding the triggers and numbing out our pain…stuffing the emotions deeper. If we store is long enough it will manifest as physical disease. We see this over and over…people walking around like they are the walking dead, not allowing themselves to feel because they are afraid of going into the pain, which they must do to release it. When we numb ourselves to the hard stuff, we also shut down our ability to fully experience the joy and love all around us too!
*Steel Magnolias video reference: https://youtu.be/HTOzFKNGtpc
